omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
