I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
