just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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