All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
