miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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