I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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