Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
