you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
