Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize