GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
