I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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