When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
