like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
