I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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