Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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