Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
