I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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