Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
