yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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