worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
if only i could text you this smell
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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