Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
