PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
