It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
