peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize