he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think people are normalizing furries
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
