Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
