oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize