So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
