Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
