eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
