im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
