and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize