Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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