He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
