Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have aggressive nipples.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
