She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
