Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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