This is not my ceiling
I cockslap morals
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize