he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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