I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
