Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize