she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
