He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
