just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
