Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
