I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dick very happy bro
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
