She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
