Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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