he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
