So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
