just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
