Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize