Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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