is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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