Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
