Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
