I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize