The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
