worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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