I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
