Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
