Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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