he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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