We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
