i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
