If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
