his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
