Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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