I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
