it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
