I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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