So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
