The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
