Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
