And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize