I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
A bitchslap is in order.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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