3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
