dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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