Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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