What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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