After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
