Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
