don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
