Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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