guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize