She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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