Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
