In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
