Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
