I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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