good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize