Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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