apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize