She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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