It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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