I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
did i just pee glitter
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize