So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
