I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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