Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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