listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
