Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
