i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
