Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He has the fingertips of a God
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