It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
