What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
