omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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