Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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