I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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