We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
