i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
