im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
