I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
