When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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