Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
