Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
